In this episode, I unpack the lessons from “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferrazzi.
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Full Transcript:
Today’s most valuable currency is social capital, defined as the information, expertise, trust, and total value that exist in the relationships you have and social networks to which you belong. I’m Mickey Mellen, this is Stacking Knowledge, and that was a bit from Keith Farazzi’s book, Never Eat Alone. As the name implies, Never Eat Alone is really about building relationships, really the why you should build relationships and how to build those relationships, and he gets into it pretty deep in both of those, so let’s dive in here. So he starts talking about the mindset, kind of becoming a member of the club. He says,
Success in any field, but especially in business, about working with people, not against them. So, much of what we’ll talk about is building relationships to the benefit of everyone. Not building relationships to take advantage of them, but building relationships and serving others, and it kind of comes back around. He shares early on a quote from Margaret Wheatley. She says, relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in a relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone. And then he shares quite a bit more in this beginning part.
He talks about success in any field. I mentioned that he’s about working with people, not against them. He says, quote, I’ve come to believe that connecting is one of the most important business and life skill sets you’ll ever learn. Why? Because flat out, people do business with people they know and like. Careers in every imaginable field work the same. He said, I learned that real networking was about finding ways to make other people more successful. It was about working hard to give more than you get. And I came to believe that there was a litany of tough-minded principles that made this soft-hearted philosophy possible. His next chapter, he talks about
Don’t keep score, which again, lot of these titles for the chapter I thought were fantastic because they’re pretty clear. But let’s unpack what don’t keep score is. He shares another quote here from, this one’s from George Burton Adams, talking about how we need each other in life. He says, quote, there’s no such thing as a self-made man. We are all made up of thousands of others. Everyone who’s ever done a kind deed for us or spoken one word of encouragement to us or has entered in the makeup of our character and our thoughts as well as our success. He says,
Also, it’s better to give before you receive and never keep score. If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit. So he talks then about what’s your mission, trying to figure out your mission and your goal. He said, successful athletes, CEOs, charismatic leaders, rainmaking salespeople, and accomplished managers all know what they want in life and they go after it. As my dad used to say, this is Ferrazzi talking, no one becomes an astronaut by accident. I like that, no one becomes an astronaut by accident. It’s pretty clear, you have to have the goal to really go after that. ⁓ This book’s not really about goal setting too much, we just talk about
⁓ Ways to set goals and just I’ll kind of give you his quick version at three set three steps to his process here Is to find your passion put goals to paper and create a personal board of advisors. So the find your passion is a quote here like he says ⁓ Quote the best definition of a goal I’ve ever heard came from an extraordinarily successful saleswoman I met at a conference who told me a goal is a dream with a deadline that marvelous definition drives home a very important point point So a goal is a dream with a deadline. So you figure what you want to do, but also
Kind of stack it in. Kind of gets into smart goals I’ve talked about before. Just having a goal as an idea, but then also how are gonna go after it? And then again, step two here is putting goals to paper and then creating that personal board of advisors. He talks about it in real life, having people you can really bounce ideas off of. I’ve also talked about the idea of having that almost fictitious board of advisors. Talking about what would Steve Jobs do in this case? Or what would Edwin Land do? Or have different people on that board of advisors? think some of both is important. In his case, he’s talking about with these relationships, they’ll build a board of advisors. People you can talk to about ideas and.
I’m lucky to have a few folks that can pick up the phone and calls that have this idea for an app or an issue or whatever and they’ll talk and listen and help advise me. It’s fantastic. He talks a little bit about building it before you need it. Don’t try to build your network because you need it. You see this on LinkedIn a lot where people hop on, they’ve not posted in years, hey, I need a job now and it’s kind of crickets because they’ve not built the network there to have it. It’s better to build the network, get to know the people and then if you need it later you can. He quotes Mitch Album, famous writer and columnist who says,
build a little community of those who love you, of those you love and who love you. Build a little community of those you love and who love you, which is again, kind of the point of this book. He talks about audacity a bit and trying to not being afraid to do things. He gets a little too far into that, we’ll talk about in a bit, but I do like it. He has a quote from Johan Wolfgang Van Goertte that says, seize this very minute. What you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. So yeah, don’t be afraid to be bold.
The next chapter though is about the networking jerk and don’t be a networking jerk. ⁓ He says that the tips, the six tips to never be a networking jerk or don’t schmooze. I think we all seen those. Don’t rely on the currency of gossip. Some people want to get into your circle and start talking because there’s some juicy gossip. Don’t come to the party empty handed. You know, bring something to share, bring knowledge, bring gifts, whatever. Don’t treat those under you poorly. We’ve talked about this in a lot of these books. How do people treat wait staff or those that
or quote under them, you you treat them with respect or you know that you’re above them and you’re too cool, whatever, how do you do that? Be transparent and don’t be too efficient. You know, one thing I’ve really worked on, I’m a big proponent of efficiency in a lot of things, but I’ve worked hard to be inefficient in a lot of ways in terms of how I read books, how I handle notes, how I do weekly reviews, how I deal with my team, like it’s not always about being so efficient. I’ll pound through some email, but there are places to not be efficient. So yeah, a networking jerkhead. Don’t schmooze, don’t rely on the currency gossip.
Don’t come to the party empty-handed. Don’t treat those under you poorly. Be transparent and don’t be too efficient. Next he gets into the second section of the book is the skill set. So do your homework. He quotes Robert Shuler, simply says, spectacular achievement is always preceded by spectacular preparation. And we’re in such a great place in the world today where you can prepare better than anyone in history could have before us. It’ll probably only get better going forward too, but today is still the best it’s ever been. Whenever you’re listening to this, the ability to prepare is better today than it was yesterday, and it’s only improving from here.
So he has a longer quote about this I really like. He says, quote, before I meet with any new people I’ve been thinking of introducing myself to, I research who they are and what their business is. I find out what’s important to them, their hobbies, challenges, goals, inside their business and out. Before the meeting, I generally prepare or have my assistant prepare a one page synopsis on the person I’m about to meet. The only criterion for what should be included is that I want to know what this person is like as a human being, what he or she feels strongly about, and what his or her proudest achievements are. And so yeah, whenever you’re gonna meet someone, whether it’s for business or personal or whatever,
You can research this stuff so easily now. And it’s a matter of, you willing to do the preparation to do that? Cause it’s no longer a question of can you, you can, are you willing to put in the effort? And I think it makes the results of it so much better. You absolutely should. ⁓ Next, he talks about taking names. He says he has his own method of logging names and details to foster authentic followups. This is not about automation. This is about authentic following up and keeping up with folks. I’ve talked before, I have my names, keep in a database.
where I can practice names and faces, because I tend to be pretty bad at remembering names and faces. So I work on that. It’s a fault I have, and so I try to make it better and do that. He also quoted in here Clay Shirky, who in 2008 said, the problem isn’t information overload, it’s filter fatigue, or filter failure, excuse me. The problem isn’t information overload, it’s filter failure. And so there’s so much data, so many contacts, so many people being able to filter out the data that matters, the people that matter and stuff. That’s the challenge today. It’s not getting more information. And we’ll talk more about that too. Information’s everywhere.
How do you filter it out? And there’s ways to do that, good and bad, and other ways. Next he gets into warming the cold call, how to make cold outreach better, which I don’t think that’s appropriate. This is the one thing I kind of disagree with. I think cold outreach is a bad thing, and it’s getting worse. So you can read the book. He has some good things to how to make it better, but it’s still not a great thing. So I’m going to just skip that section there. ⁓ There’s still plenty in this book. That’s fantastic. We’ve got a ways to go here. Next he talks about managing the gatekeeper. And so really, the
way to some of this chapter he says, quote, a secretary can be more important than a CEO. Understanding who’s responsible with the CEO’s calendar. If you’re wanting to meet with CEO and have that relationship, you’re have to deal with the secretary a lot. And how do you deal with that person? Again, someone you may consider quote, below you and a lot of angles to that. And that chapter is great for great ways to manage the gatekeeper. His next chapter is kind of the title chapter is Never Eat Alone. ⁓ Invisibility is a fate worse than failure.
break bread with others constantly is the fastest path to meaningful connection. And so yeah, we’ve seen this a lot before where yeah, there’s you worry about bad things, but being invisible and being irrelevant is even worse. You know, it’s kind of you see in movies and stuff where like, think about how much I hate you all the time. The other person says, I don’t think about you at all. Like that’s even worse when your enemy says they don’t even think about you. But same thing with other people. Like if you could have failures, you could have shortcomings, but if you’re irrelevant and invisible, that’s even worse. You have no chance there. So, ⁓ it is certainly not to fail or to have people hate you, but
Just never eat alone. Always try to break bread with others and just be with others and build those relationships. Next, he gets into sharing your passions. He says, friendship is created out of the quality of time spent between two people, not the quantity. So it’s more about, yeah, again, spending quality time. It’s not about, have 15 meetings a day with people. It’s going be fantastic. No, I had three great meetings today and they were meaningful and impactful and we trust each other, know each other better. So he gives some ideas for that. He gives seven ideas to.
suggest event ideas to others. you could suggest, the first one is 15 minutes and a cup of coffee, know, just, hey, let’s meet and grab a cup of coffee. You could suggest events like take, going to a conference. You could have a workout or a hobby like golf or chess. You could do a quick early breakfast or lunch or drinks after work or dinner together, other meals. You could do a special event like in the theater or book signing. You know, I’ve taken clients to baseball games before and there’s ways just to do events with folks. Entertaining at home, he’ll talk about that a bit more in the book and volunteering. So.
Lots of ways, things you can suggest to people. If someone you want to get to know better, here’s things you can suggest. yeah, 15 minutes on a cup of coffee, conferences, workouts and hobbies, a quick meal, a special event, entertaining at home and fundraising, or fundraising, volunteering. Maybe fundraising would fall into that too. Lots of ways to do that. Next he gets into follow-up or fail. He calls it the secret sauce for relationship building. It’s not that first meeting that matters. We’ve all met a lot of people once and it’s kind of vanished, but how do you keep it going as it goes later? So he has a lot of ideas here on how to include in your follow-up.
⁓ I’ll kind of I’ll just kind of run through what he has here I think these are great says first always express your gratitude You know be thankful for that reaffirm the commitments you both made this could be to meet again or a lot of time They say I’m gonna share that book with you And if you can share me that podcast you mentioned and just get whatever things you want to do there Be brief and to the point always address them by name use email and snail mail after email and connect on social media That that’s a tricky one in some cases. I think
I connect with most everyone on LinkedIn. think that’s fair. Facebook I’m little more cautious with and certainly there’s other networks you can connect on. So feel that out as it seems appropriate. Send as soon as possible after the meeting. Don’t wait for the holidays and don’t forget to follow up with those that have been the go between for you and someone else. And so that’s one, that last one’s one I’ve been pretty bad about. Don’t forget to follow up with those that have been the go between for you and someone else. if someone connects to you with someone else, I want to meet this new person. I’ll follow up with them. I’ll do great.
I’m not as great about thanking the person in the middle. It’s a great thing to do. The next chapter is called Be a Conference Commando. Just if you’re gonna go to a conference, like make the most of it. Don’t just go to the conference, see a few sessions and go home. You you may pick up a few things there, but what can you do there? He has a lot of ideas here. First one is help the organizer or better yet, be the organizer. And so I’ve helped organize some conferences. We actually have one coming up at this recording. We have one coming in the fall of 2025 that we’re organizing. I’ve been on the WordCamp Atlanta Organizing Committee. The more you can get involved with leadership helps.
He said, listen, better yet speak, is a quote that says, study after study shows that the more speeches one gives, the higher one’s income bracket tends to be. So speaking is always a good thing. You can organize a conference within a conference, like special dinners. If there’s a three day conference, you could have a special dinner after night two or something, and you invite people to do that. Draft off of a big kahuna, so if there’s someone there you know, you can kind of use their influence to meet more people. Be an information hub and help folks out, and similar, become a reporter. Master the deep bump.
He says, do well when bumping into someone. whether it’s, ⁓ intentional, you want to try to bump into someone or accidental, you know, make the most of that bump, you know, don’t just say, Hey, what’s up? You know, have, have a plan of what you’re to do. I know your targets, know who you’re trying to meet there. says, breaks are no time to take a break. And I agree with this one. I call it like the hallway track. You know, a lot of conferences have different tracks. There’s the technology track and the AI track or whatever, but the hallway track is kind of the in-between stuff. And pretty much all my best memories from conferences and best connections have been made in those hallway tracks.
Follow-up we talked about how to follow up at after counseling follow-up and it’s the people not the speakers So yeah, go for the speakers learn lots of great stuff, but meet people there That’s why you’re there is to meet people it can be fantastic and he says don’t be this person He gives five people you should not be is the wallflower Don’t just hang out the edge because you can say I went to the conference It wasn’t much you didn’t meet anyone. I don’t be the ankle hugger You know don’t just find one person and drag around all day when they’re maybe trying to ditch you You meet a variety of folks don’t be the celebrity hound. You know, there’s gonna be some big-name people at most conferences and
Meeting them is good, but be careful with that. Don’t be the smarmy eye darter. We’ve talked about this before, like is your attention to someone a dimmer or a switch? And you know, an eye darter is more of a dimmer. Like I’m going to be 60 % involved in this conversation, but I’m also going be looking around and see who else is there. Like no, be all in. You know, doesn’t have to be a long conversation, but make sure it’s meaningful and that you’re focused on it. And don’t be the card dispenser. We’ve all seen that too. Everyone has their business cards and they’re just giving them out. Like I still love a good business card and I’ll request them from people, but.
You don’t want to be the card dispenser, that’s your main thing. I’ve seen a lot of people just kind of go to a table and it’s like boop, boop, boop, drop them all down and walk off like, what is this? It’s, yeah, not real helpful that way. But if I meet someone and make a connection, a card’s still good way to connect there. I also like at the end of this chapter, he has his little Connectors Hall of Fame profiles he drops through the book. People in history that have been great connectors. This chapter was Susan Cain who said, quote, there’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas. So there’s some people that are great talkers.
and somebody that have great ideas. They’re not always the same person. Someone may be a great talker, but someone else may have some great ideas. It’s always careful to be aware of that. Then he talks about connecting with connectors, identifying and befriending people who are natural hubs of networks. He says, quote, get to know the people who know everyone. And this is a good thing to be. Part of this book is to become a connector yourself, but you also want to find those other connectors. So who are these connectors you should go try to find? He gives a list of those two. says, restaurateurs, headhunters, lobbyists, fundraisers.
Public relations people politicians journalists and then authors bloggers and gurus So there’s different different people that tend to be better at being connectors that you know restaurant tours and headhunters Just their job is to know a lot of people so if you can be in that circle They can make connections for you and hopefully you can make connections for them as well I always find those connectors and they talked his Hall of Fame for this one was Paul Revere It’s kind of a longer story won’t get into that too, but about you know about what Paul Revere did back in the day
But it really gets into when he was able to light ⁓ the ⁓ lanterns at Boston’s Old North Church to indicate that the British troops were advancing. And he was able to do that because of relationships he had built. wasn’t that he just came in and said, let me light these candles. They knew him, knew who he was. He had built relationships. And they said, ⁓ what’s less known, this is a quote from the book, what’s less known is that Revere’s networking savvy is what allowed him, and maybe only him, to be the one entrusting with illuminating the church steeple. So they may have sent other people, and they wouldn’t have had to trust, like, who is this guy? don’t know what’s going on.
know, Revere had built that network and it made a big difference when it mattered most. He talks about expanding your circle, expanding outside of your industry, you diversity of connections expands your opportunities. Talks a lot about small talk, you small talk’s a gateway to deeper conversations, so it can be important how to do that. A few things for small talk here. He has a couple good quotes. He says, quote, too many people confuse secrecy with importance. Business schools teach us to keep everything close to our vest, but the world has changed.
Power today comes from sharing information, not withholding it. More than ever, the lines demarcating the personal and professional of blurred. We’re an open source society and that calls for open source behavior. As a rule, not many secrets are worth the energy required to keep them secret. So he’ll talk about this more as we go on too, but secrets just don’t exist that much anymore. We all have the information, so who can take, really I think it’s about combining secrets. You can learn one thing from one person, one from another, combine those into a new idea, new insights, that can be great. ⁓ And then he has another quote here, he says quote,
I believe that every conversation you have is an invitation to risk revealing the real you. So he says risk, but he’s just kind saying open up. And so he gives a bunch of ideas for a good small talk. So a lot of these we’ve covered in other books. I’ve kind of been on a trend here of this kind of same thing for a while. But first I want to learn the power of nonverbal cues. so that was Vanessa Van Edwards’ book, Cues, that I covered a few weeks ago. It’s a fantastic one there. Be sincere. Develop conversational currency.
Adjust your Johari window. Johari window is ⁓ idea of how much insight people reveal on themselves. So kind of adjust that to fit. Some people may want to keep it more high level. They’re not comfortable with you yet. Some want to go deeper. Like your ability to adjust your window to kind of match them is helpful. Make a graceful exit. Don’t just bounce away. Learn to listen. Give good chat. And then I like this. He says, if all else fails, five words that never do. And here’s the five words that you can say. says, you’re wonderful. Tell me more. And so getting people to talk is awesome. So if you say you’re wonderful, tell me more.
Yeah, people will like that quite a bit. That’ll work out well. Let’s see. The next section we’re getting to is turning connections into compatriots. So he talks about health, wealth, and children. Yeah, tools like family and health, foster intimacy, personal conversation, when done respectfully builds trust. He has quite a lot of quotes in here I pulled. We’ll start with this one. He says, quote, they get it wrong because of the assumptions they make. It’s in vogue for people to explain everything is new. Everything is different. Business has changed.
The answers people suggest must be found in technology or new forms of leadership or funky organizational theories. But is there really anything new or different about people? Not really. ⁓ Next one he had here, quote, he said, the only way to get people to do anything is to recognize their importance and thereby make them feel important. Every person’s deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized. He pulled a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson that said, quote, every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
In other words, everyone had someone to teach him. Everyone has someone to teach, something to teach you. mean, you may be very smart in a lot of things, but if you meet someone, there’s something they’re smarter than you at, always, and you can learn that, it can be awesome. Kind of back to what he mentioned toward the beginning of this chapter, he said, quote, there are three things in this world that engender deep emotional bonds between people. They’re health, wealth, and children. So I love that. And he also talks about building deeper relationships. And he tells a story from his Deloitte days about just having lots of events he takes people to, but not really going deep.
So I’ll read this quote. says, quote, too many people think an invitation alone is enough to engender loyalty. Back in my days at Deloitte, and I see it today in consulting practices, a lot of people felt that taking clients and prospects out to a fancy dinner, a ball game or show was the way to build loyalty. I’ve fallen into that trap myself. In the beginning of a relationship, those kinds of outings are merely forums that allow you to connect strongly enough with the other person to help them address the issues that matter to them most. However, we’ve encouraged some of our biggest Fortune 100 clients to begin to invite their clients and prospects into their executives homes.
to have a dinner, meet the family, and understand how they can really help the clients as individuals. So it’s about going a little deeper. Again, the fancy dinners and ball games stuff are great, but like he said, ⁓ the quote was, yeah, they’re merely forums that allow you to connect strongly enough to help them address bigger issues. And so use those forums to kind of take that next step. Let’s see, getting into, yeah, pinging. He says, pinging all the time, staying in touch regularly. I like this little idea he has here. I’ve not tried this, but he says, quote, get creative.
I have one friend who takes pictures of people he meets wherever he goes. When he returns from a conference or work-related travels, he pings the people he met with a quick hello and a picture attached. It’s a great idea that worked very well for him. Next he talks about, he says, find anchor tenants and feed them. So kind of the close influential allies you have, your anchor tenants. I thought this was an interesting idea here with his friend Mark. said, I’ll read this quote. said, Mark became a regular at my dinner parties in New York as a client and a friend.
Mark would return the favor by inviting me out to dinner or to see a show. After a few years, however, I asked Mark, so what’s up with not having me over to your home for dinner? A meal at someone’s home, after all, is what I enjoy most. His answer was all too common, especially among the younger people I mentor. He’s told me, I could never do a dinner party like yours. I don’t have that kind of money and I live in a run-down studio. I don’t even have a dining table. The response from Keith, though, is dining table? Who needs a dining table? And he gets into it more like, no, it’s about just being together and being with each other. And certainly some people can.
can host a better party in a nicer house or whatever, but it’s just, yeah, it’s being together like, yeah, it’s about being intimate and taking them there versus always taking them out somewhere. I thought that was a neat idea and not something I’ve done much of, but something I probably do need to do more of. He gives rules for get togethers. He has eight rules for get togethers. ⁓ I guess you’re hosting your house, you know, whatever. His rules are create a theme, use invitations, don’t be a kitchen slave, create atmosphere, forget being formal, don’t see couples together.
relax and host a virtual after party. yeah, create a theme, have a reason to get together, use invitations, make it clear that, you who’s coming and what to expect. Don’t be a kitchen slave. He recommends not even cooking a lot of times, just to get things catered in or something so you’re not stuck in the kitchen the whole time. Like you can actually be part of the party. Create a good atmosphere. Forget being formal. I like this one. He said, quote, I always underdressed just so no one else feels they did. Jeans and a jacket are my standard fare, but you judge for yourself. And so.
He tries to dress just a little bit down just so no one else feels out of place. If they do, I like that. Don’t seek couples together. That’s what I’ve seen a lot of places where, yeah, you want split couples up just to have different conversations. Otherwise they’ll talk to each other too much. Relax and then host a virtual after party. know, that’s what I’ve gotten better about in recent years is that after an event we host, I’ll try to reach out to folks and say, Hey, here’s everyone. Here’s everyone’s LinkedIn connections. Here’s their emails. Like y’all get to know each other. That was the idea was to help people connect. And so help them connect. Section four here, he talks about connecting in the digital age and
tapping the fringe of your network, those often overlooked connections that you may forget about. ⁓ Let’s see, it’s two quotes here. It’s a quote from ⁓ Charles Ames that says, eventually everything connects. People, ideas, objects. The quality of the connections is the key. And then he talks more about information that we mentioned earlier in the book about information is basically free, so don’t hoard it. He says, quote, information loses value so quickly that it makes more sense to trade it than hoard it. So bankable information is free flowing, gushing online. So yeah, share what you’ve got and.
Yeah, it’s not worth trying to hoard anymore. can be great. Related, next chapter is called Become the King of Content. Build your personal brand by creating and sharing valuable content. He says, you don’t have to go the shock and awe route to build yourself a trusting audience, but you do need to find your own version of authentic value-based content that is uniquely used and infused with GVAC, my shorthand for those critical traits, generosity, vulnerability, accountability, and candor. So he’ll mention GVAC a few times in the book. Yeah, generosity, vulnerability, accountability, and candor is a great way to.
to share your stuff. Gets into engineering serendipity, know, kind of set up things that will encourage people to meet more. ⁓ He shares a quote from John Perry Barlow that says, they used to say fortune prepares the, fortune prefers the prepared mind. Now it’s fortune prefers the networked mind. And so again, you want to be prepared too, but if you’re more networked and able to connect folks, that can be fantastic. Another thing he does, which I thought was great, he said, I come home with 15 new ideas, which I throw up my staff in rapid fire.
and let them parry back until one or two ultimately stick and a new solution is born. So anyone that’s always an idea and coming up with new thoughts should have a bunch of ideas and be okay with most of them not working out. He says, I come home with 15 ideas and they parry back until one or two ultimately stick and that’s great. We have people on our team that will do that. They’ll come up with a whole bunch of ideas and I gotta be careful because ultimately most of those won’t work but man, there’s always a few gems in there that become just fantastic and can be great new things for us. Section five is about training up and giving back.
I say, be interesting. He recommends to be well-read, well-versed, and genuinely interested in the world to stay engaging. He says, quote, in America’s information economy, we frame our competitive advantage in terms of knowledge and innovation. That means today’s market values creativity over mere competence and expertise over general knowledge. And then teaching can be a great way to learn things. I’ve done this before. I remember years ago.
When some new laws were coming out regarding internet privacy, I’d be like, I need to understand these better. So I led them at our next meetup. And to do that, I had to prepare and build slides and read about it and it be a great way to learn things. And so he says, I have a great quote here with an idea. says, quote, there’s no better way to learn something and become an expert at it than having to teach it. Some of the best CEOs I know refuse to turn away business even when it might call for skills or experience that their company doesn’t have. These CEOs see such scenarios as an opportunity. We can do that, they’ll say. In the process, both the CEOs and their employees
learn the skills they need. They jump at trying something new and get the job done. And so he talked about different ways to become an expert. has 10 different ways to become an expert. One is to get out in front and analyze the trends and opportunities on the cutting edge. The second is to ask seemingly stupid questions. His longer quote kind of backed it up and he says, identify the people in your industries who always seem to be out front and use all the relationship skills you’ve acquired to connect with them. Take them to lunch, read their newsletters. In fact, read everything you can.
Online there are hundreds of individuals distilling information, analyzing it and making product prognostications. ⁓ These armchair analysts are the eyes and ears of innovation. Now get online and read, read, read. Subscribe to magazines, buy books and talk to the smartest people you can find. Eventually all this knowledge will build on itself and you’ll start making connections others aren’t. And so yeah, to become an expert, yeah that was just the second one, but get out in front, analyze the trends, ask seemingly stupid questions. And the third one is know yourself and your talents. Always learn, stay healthy.
Number six is expose yourself to unusual experiences. Don’t get discouraged. Know the new technology. Develop a niche and follow the money. So lots of ways to become an expert. He unpacks all those more in the book. It’s fantastic. Just good ways to encourage and do that. But I think the quote I shared there just about, follow people you know, follow what they write, read books. I mean, there’s lots of ways to become knowledgeable without a whole lot of extra work. Had a little quote from the Dalai Lama in here in his connectors hall of fame profile for the chapter. It just simply says quote,
Use your content to tell stories that move people. And so you’ll learn these things and turning it into stories can be fantastic. Next he talks about building your brand and talking about brand. He’s talking about your brand, not your company’s brand, but your personal brand. He shares a quote from Tom Peters that says, quote, regardless of age, regardless of position, regardless of the business we happen to be in, all of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies, Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called you.
I think that was Tom Peters that shared that. He talks about GVAC again here too. He says, your content, defined by both your expertise and unique humanity, AKA GVAC, which is generosity, vulnerability, accountability, and candor, will become the guiding star of your brand, helping to integrate all your connecting efforts around a uniform and powerful mission. He even shares a quote here from Machiavelli that says, everyone sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are. And this kind of goes back to deeper relationships. You can put on a front and everyone will see what you think you are, what you’re pretending to be, but.
few will really know what you are. And the more you get to really know what you are and you get to know them is fantastic. Next he talks about broadcasting your brand. You know, just built this, this me ink brand, but what are some ways you can do that? And we don’t spend a lot of time here, but he talks about, you know, going visual and sharing and curation and just lots of ways to help build that credibility. I talked about getting close to power. Don’t be intimidated by influence, know, seek proximity to powerful people by offering value and asking smart questions. So again, it’s about.
about offering value in any of situations that can work for people more powerful than you too. If you have things that are truly valuable to them, that can be fantastic. Next is build it and they will come, create events and communities. He has a quote here from Jane Howard that says, call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family, whatever it is, whoever you are, you need one. You need a network, you need a tribe, you need these things. So create events and forums and communities where people want to gather. Again, join those other ones that people have created. You can be part of other tribes and other networks, but if you can create one that’s
can be awesome as well. And again, I try to do a mix of both. We have some great communities we’ve built, but I’m also trying to be part of other ones that other people have built just to build the network that way. He says, never give into hubris. Stay humble no matter your success. He’s a pretty long chapter on finding mentors and being a mentor. the overview of this chapter said, this chapter underscores a reciprocal approach to growth. As you seek mentors to guide your journey, you should also invest in mentoring others.
He believes that by continuously engaging in this cycle of guidance and support, you enhance not only your own development, but also strengthen the entire network. And then a quote from H.J. Brown says, to teach is to learn again. And so yeah, again, find mentors for yourself, but then find mentees that you can help lead and repeat and keep doing it. Keep finding other people to help you, because you’ll always be growing, but as you grow, find others you can help bring up along the way. Another chapter that I really liked that think some may disagree with, he has a chapter called Balance is BS.
The balance in life is not what you should be, it should just be a blend of things. And he a couple of great quotes in here, two quotes he had. I’ll share both of them here. said, I realized that what made you successful in both worlds were other people and the way you related to them. Whether those people were family people, work people, or friend people, real connecting insists that you bring the same values to every relationship. As a result, I no longer needed to make a distinction between my career happiness and my life happiness. They were both pieces of me. And then the other quote he had in this chapter I pulled out that I thought was great, he said, quote,
When it became clear to me that the key to my life was the relationships in it, I found that there was no longer a need to compartmentalize work from, family or friends. I could spend my birthday at a business conference and be surrounded with warm and wonderful friends, as I recently did, or I could be at home in Los Angeles or New York with equally close friends to celebrate. yeah, blending it, and I’ve tried to do that to a degree as well. mean, the people I work with are people I’m friendly with, my work hours, and it all just kind of blends together. And some people may not be in a situation to do that, but if you can, it can be a great thing.
It kind of wraps up talking about the connected age. And a couple great quotes, really a handful of quotes here to kind of wrap things up, but just being connected with folks. We’re in this amazing age, and it’s great. He has a longer quote here from the Dalai Lama. shared the little one earlier. But Dalai Lama says, quote, we human beings are social beings. We come into the world as a result of others’ actions. We survive here and depend on others. Whether we like it or not, there’s hardly a moment in our lives when we do not benefit from others’ activities.
For this reason, is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others. Another quote here, says quote, living a connected life leads one to take a different view. Life is less a quest than a quilt. We find meaning, love, and prosperity through the process of stitching together our bold attempts to help others find their own way in their lives. The relationships we weave become an exquisite and endless pattern. And I’m gonna leave you here, had a quote right near the end that summed up this book perfectly. I thought it was a great way to end it. He says quote,
in life right now and whatever you know is a result of the ideas, experiences, and people you have interacted with in your life, whether in person, through books and music, email, or culture, there’s no score to keep when abundance leads to even more abundance. So make a decision that from this day forward, you will start making the contacts and accumulating the knowledge, experience, and people that will help you achieve your goals. So encourage you to check out the book, Never Eat Alone by Keith Friese. It was fantastic, and we’ll talk to you soon.
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